What might be considered a form of prostitution by some people is simply a different kind of intimate relationship for others.

To live a carefree, comfortable life, enjoy all the comforts and be mentored by an older man. Doesn’t that sound good? History has shown us that there were older men in ancient Rome who introduced young men to the secrets of sex and love. It has been going on for centuries so what’s the problem? 

A relationship with a sugar daddy is not legally questionable as long as the younger man is of the legal age.

However, experience shows that the roles between the financial supporter and the younger man seem to be clearly divided. If you break down such a relationship to the simple formula of sex for money, you won’t do justice to many of these relationships. Of course, sex also plays a role, but mostly the exchange of ideas and a shared experience of the other’s unknown life are major factors. An older man can pass on calmness and security, safety and wisdom. The young guy can bring the ease and joy of life into the race. One gives strength and support, the other may drive away the loneliness of old age.

In larger gay cities like London, Los Angeles or New York City, one often hears the answer that young men started out on a whim and now find the feeling of being desired extremely appealing.

Due to the swipe-and-go mentality of many app users, it has become very appealing for some boys to experience a counterpart who has a long-term and intensive interest. Some agree that a sugar daddy is good for your own self-esteem.

50 is the new 30

The reasons why two men of different ages voluntarily enter into such a relationship are certainly many and varied. The fact is, however, that this community is becoming more and more socially acceptable – both homosexual or heterosexual. Social norms and rules have progressed and these kinds of relationships are much more accepted.

Advances in healthcare paired with the fitness revolution make for a healthier and longer life for many.

Perhaps the image of the sugar daddy is also changing within the scene because the desire for a firm relationship remains at a very high level, especially among young gays – around ninety percent of guys under the age of thirty would like to have a solid and, above all, a longer-term relationship, according to a study by a well known European statistics group. But nowadays three out of four guys are single. And even when they enter into a relationship, it usually lasts no longer than a year.

The situation is completely different for older men

Ninety percent of men who are over forty-four are in longer lasting partnerships. Half of all these older guys have even been with their partner for more than eleven years. Overall, almost sixty percent of daddies are in a relationship. So the arguments of longevity and experience cannot be overlooked.

Purchased Relationships

Nevertheless, for some, the dangers of a ‘purchased’ relationship remains – in which the younger person could be easily exploited. If one asks the young men they often see the situation in a very different way. A real relationship of dependency can only be established if there is a sizeable gap between rich and poor. In short, if the young man has no other possibility to earn a living and he could possibly end up on on his own and the street.

Away from extremes

Alternatively from this extreme situation, such a relationship can certainly take place on an equal footing if both partners benefit more equally from it and also establish an emotional connection. Isn’t there even a very similar binding relationship in many older, heterosexual couples when the man still goes to work in the traditional way and the woman stays at home and brings up the children? The structure of dependence is similar, only socially much more accepted under the heavy guise of the older and more conservative traditions. 

Tomas Brand & Drake Rogers
photo courtesy of: Lucas Entertainment

So for the time being, the age difference remains as a point of discussion.

Perhaps the fact, perceived as a provocation, that two people here have very clearly defined their common ground. In these cases, they are probably more honest than in many other ‘conventional’ relationships. 

Let’s get back to the topic of sex.

What does it look like up close and personal? What are the details? Some young men find older guys especially attractive, others find every form of ageing a thorn in their side. A young Berliner, who has been living with a sugar daddy for a few years now, puts it to Boner Magazine like this: “Sex is fun, simply because I generally like sex. Nevertheless, it’s usually twenty or thirty minutes max. We spend the remaining hours talking and doing a thousand other things.

Is sex the central issue?

So sex really isn’t the central issue.” If you ask sugar daddies for their version, you get a similar picture. “Of course, sex with a young man is a positive thing, but many older men want a steady attachment figure and are tired of constant short-lived dates. It seems logical, because if it were only about sex, a paid hook-up quickie would certainly be the cheaper and faster alternative.”  

Honesty and Openness

In the end, it can be said that a sugar daddy relationship may well be justified if both participate equally and voluntarily. If honesty and openness are the cornerstones and there is no increased dependence on either side. Anyone who seeks a sugar daddy out of sheer necessity runs the risk of suffering emotional damage in the long run. The situation is similar with young men, who mask their true desires of really preferring to be with someone closer to their own age. However, those who find older men attractive as young men and define a sugar daddy as a variation of their own wishes and needs can also find long-term pleasure and fulfilment. 

Dependency is always a factor

When we are in a serious relationship, we always experience some kind of dependency.  It is a very automatic process, because we become positively dependent on our partners. They are the  ones whom we let into our world emotionally and who is important to us. But we should not make the mistake of making a light-hearted, sweeping judgements about other forms of relationship-bound obligations.  Because a relationship between two people is always just that: a personal and individual decision which, by the rule of law, should only interest these two people. (ms) (translation gt)